Cory – and other people – have been invited to a couples only party. Cory is not in a couple. He shares this lament with Shawn, who is making out with some girl. Shawn says he finally understands that unit on “the movement of the blood” from their health class. That’s, uh… that’s kind of a racy joke.
Shawn suggests Cory ask Wendy to be his girlfriend. The show remembered Wendy from 13 episodes ago! How about that! Well, Shawn suggests her because Cory knows her and likes her, and I guess Topanga is out of town again. Cory doesn’t like the idea of asking a girl to be his girlfriend just to go to a party. I’m not sure I’d want to go to a couples only party hosted by a 7th grader. That just sounds lame. Anyway, Wendy agrees to be in a couple with Cory, despite the fact that we haven’t seen her since September.
In a very short scene, we learn that Eric is in trouble. He’s not allowed to date until he pulls his grades up. Also he reveals his ambition to become a weatherman, which I remember will actually come up in at least one more episode in the series.
Wendy asks Cory where he’s going to be over the summer, because since they’re a couple now, she’d like to spend the summer together. Cory suggests they see how the spring goes first, and even though Wendy’s starting to come off as crazy and clingy, she agrees with Cory. Cory heads off to his chemistry class, which is apparently in the same place as the senior bathroom, and Wendy asks if he hasn’t forgotten something. His first instinct is to check his fly, but Wendy meant a kiss.
Feeny demands mid-term grades from Turner. Turner says he’s just going to give everyone As, because that’ll make the parents and the kids happy, and no one will get hurt. Feeny does not approve. I know Feeny was never the stereotypical cool guy, but it seems like he’s much more of a square this season. I mean, I bet if Turner decided to have a “class pre-union” where everyone writes up a history of where they’ll be in 10 or 20 years, Feeny would tut-tut and say things were getting out of hand and is Turner sure of how this little “experiment of his” was going, even though Feeny did the same thing last season. Ah, well.
Feeny tells Turner he was a bit of a squash player in his day – pointing to the sports equipment Turner is carrying. Apparently it’s actually racquetball equipment, and Feeny says he must’ve made that mistake because he’s so old and out of touch. Turner invites him to play a game and as he leaves, Feeny calls him a chump. I’m not sure what happened.
Some pretty girl wants Eric to come help her adjust the temperature on her hot tub while her parents are out of town, but Eric blows her off since he’s not allowed to date until he pulls his grades up. Jason, who we also have not seen in approximately 13 episodes, has a solution for Eric’s, erm… girl-related frustration: a haircut. Eric doesn’t get how this will help, until we meet the hairstylist, who’s a sexy European vamp who massages Eric’s head.
At school some indeterminate amount of time later, some girl asks Cory for help with the homework. Apparently girls have been doing that for a while, and Shawn says it’s because Cory’s i a couple – it makes him totally irresistible to the ladies. Shawn then recommends Cory break up with Wendy, because one week is way too long to date one girl. I’m not sure if the couples party has happened yet. If it hasn’t, then it would be dumb for Cory to break up with Wendy since the whole reason he’s dating her in the first place is so he can go to that party.
Well, Cory wrote a break-up note to Wendy, which I am definitely sure he didn’t accidentally turn in instead of the poem the class had to write for homework. Also Wendy gives Cory some socks, wrapped all neatly in a box, for no reason.
Turner decides to read some of the poems out loud so they can discuss them. First up is Shawn’s, which is entitled “Welfare”. Shawn encourages Cory to give Wendy the break-up note right then, during class, so that Wendy can be sad and awkward for the rest of the school day. Then Turner reads Wendy’s poem, which is called “Leave Me and I’ll Die”, which is about exactly what you think. Cory begs Wendy to give him the note back, and Wendy reads it instead. She runs out of the classroom, and Cory follows her, saying the note says “I think we should NOT break up.” They hug and Wendy says something about their future children, which freaks Cory out.
Shawn and Cory come to Cory’s house, Shawn asking what the heck happened to the whole “breaking up” thing. And then there’s Wendy. In the kitchen. With a knife. And she didn’t have the decency to bring any lobsters.
But she did help make Cory’s favorite meal. While the family and Wendy are eating, Wendy again mentions children. She says she and Cory will have three children – because Wendy’s one of three, and so is Cory. Alan comments that it might be hard to raise three children on Cory’s $5 a week allowance. Wendy answers of course they won’t get married until they grow up more, and agrees to go up and play with Morgan when Morgan asks if they’ll be sisters when she marries Cory. Alan thinks she’s crazy, but Amy thinks she’s just a sweet little girl playing house. Then Wendy comes down and says she found this picture of Amy in her wedding dress, and hopes she can maybe wear it one day.
Yeah, Alan is right. Cory and Wendy have only been dating for one week and Wendy’s got their whole wedding planned out. It would be cute if they were, like, 8, but they’re 13 or 14 now. I mean, I don’t think Wendy is crazy for planning her whole future with a guy she really likes – a lot of girls will just plan out weddings, even if they aren’t even dating anyone. She’s crazy because, well, they’ve only been together a week, and they’re only 7th graders, and she’s telling everyone about how their magnificent future will pan out together. Crazy.
So the next day – or two days later, I have no idea – at school, we find out that Feeny totally destroyed Turner in a squash game, and I think that’s the end of that non-plot.
Cory spent the evening at Wendy’s family’s house. Wendy’s grandma played the organ and they all sang Big Rock Candy Mountain. Apparently there are four generations of people living under the same roof in Wendy’s house. “The men don’t say much.” The bell rings, so Shawn goes to class and tells Cory to just stay in the same place, he’ll come back for him. And then Cory has a fantasy sequence.
Cory is an old, married man who speaks like a stereotypical Old Jewish Man. He’s of course married to Wendy, and they’ve apparently been together for 90 years. Shawn is sad and alone, but still chasing ladies. Cory is stealing dinner rolls (“They WANT you to take the rolls!”) and packets of Sweet N’ Low. Also, Feeny.
Face it, we all know he’s immortal.
Cory and Wendy are eating at Chubbie’s, and Wendy thinks fondly of their time together. Cory says it’s funny, because he only asked her to be a couple to go to that party, all because Shawn told him to, the implication in his tone of voice being that he actually likes Wendy now. Then Wendy breaks it off with Cory, because their whole relationship is based on a lie, and she leaves, never to be seen again. Shawn goes into Barney Stinson mode and tells Cory they’ve got a date with some twins. But Cory looks sadly at the socks Wendy gave him – which he’s wearing – and says he doesn’t want to go, because he misses Wendy.
During the credits, Eric breaks tries to break it off with the hair stylist. She won’t take no for an answer, and finally Eric agrees to have one more round with her.
What was up with the side plots in this episode? Neither of them were B-plots. I hesitate to even call them C-plots because they each got about 3 minutes of total screentime. They both could’ve been full B-plots in another episode, but… How did this whole Wendy thing end up filling about 17 minutes of screentime by itself? Why didn’t we get to see that couples party?
Side note – the hair stylist is played by a South African woman, even though it sounds like she has some sort of Spanish/French/Eastern European accent. Also, bizarrely enough, she was ALSO in the “Pairing Off” episode that Wendy was introduced in. I only know this because I iMDBed her, because I didn’t recap the hair salon scene in that episode, and didn’t even remember there was one.
Plaid count:
Shirt -20
Skirt – 1
